There was a huge tank battle. Finally, nearly all the players joined the red team to side against the rogues...
As they hunted for a single stealth rogue, his tank appeared suddenly atop a building and he messaged, "One rogue can take out one red anytime! One of the eager red players rushed forward and they dissapeared behind the building. Shots were heard and then an explosion.
The rogue hopped onto the building, triumphant and said, "Like I said before, one rogue can take out TEN reds, anyday!"
Ten confident red players rushed forward and leaped behind the building in pursuit of the stealth rogue.
Tanks leaped, shots fired, explosion followed explosion and then...silence.
There again, the rogue stood atop the building and messaged, "One rogue can take the entire red team ANY time!"
In fury all but one old hand rushed forward to oblitirate this insulting rogue.
A great fury arose--by this time there were sixteen players on the red team. Explosion, mayhem, turmoil--and then silence.
The lone red player messaged his companions because none of them were respawning. He asked, "What happened--where are you?"
A lone red player replied, "Don't go back there! It's a trap--there are TWO of them.
I crackme up ; )
For Fun...
hahahaha
Hehehehehe, that's great.. =)
Thanks. really. thanks .. it's nice to hear a bzflag story that just has to make you smile.
Thanks. really. thanks .. it's nice to hear a bzflag story that just has to make you smile.
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Gerbil
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Ur Welcome
...and remember, Mr. T's urban rendition of the "Kung Fu" master explaining to young "Grasshopper" when he will be "ready' to graduate from his training:
"Young Hip-Hopper! You be ready for the streets when you can snatch this here fifteen carat bling-bling off my finger, fool!
"Young Hip-Hopper! You be ready for the streets when you can snatch this here fifteen carat bling-bling off my finger, fool!
Last edited by Gerbil on Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Ur Welcome
Heh, now you're just trying to get to 75 posts to bump up your rank.. aren't you?Gerbil wrote:...and remember, Mr. T's urban rendition of the "Kung Fu" master explaining to young "Grasshopper" when he will be "ready' to graduate from his training:
"FYoung Hip-Hopper! You be ready for the streets when you can snatch this here fifteen carat bling-bling off my finger, fool!
Five to go buddy.
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EvilChickenNugget
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Gerbil
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I'm sure I don't know what you mean?
Moi? Trolling for a vanity status on the board?
How could you think it?!
....so what, I got like two more to go or sumthin?
How could you think it?!
....so what, I got like two more to go or sumthin?
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Gerbil
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Tank Joke...
Two tanks drive into a bar. Both spend hours guzzling various forms of alcohol.
Finally, one tank says to the other, "You ready to roll? We have a big battle tommorrow."
The other tank answers, "Hang on, let me have just one more shot here."
...perhaps this is why there are NO tank jokes?
Finally, one tank says to the other, "You ready to roll? We have a big battle tommorrow."
The other tank answers, "Hang on, let me have just one more shot here."
...perhaps this is why there are NO tank jokes?
SGI was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that tracked his speed on a radar gun and photographed his tank. A week later he received in the mail a photo of his tank and a ticket for $400. Instead of paying, SGI sent the police a photograph of $400. Days later he got a letter from the police containing another picture... handcuffs.
The first virtual tank battle:
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead.
More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him.
"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.
The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."
Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle.
"That's no problem, son," said the sergeant. "Here, take this broom. Just point it at the enemy, and go 'Bangety Bang Bang'."
"But what about a bayonet, Sarge?" asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. "Here, use this... just go, 'Stabity Stab Stab'."
The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, an enemy soldier charges at him. The recruit points the broom, "Bangety Bang Bang!" The enemy falls dead.
More enemies appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" He mows down the enemy by the dozens. Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one enemy soldier walking slowly toward him.
"Bangety Bang Bang! shouts the recruit. The German keeps coming. "Bangety Bang Bang!" repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. "Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!" It's no use.
The enemy keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says, "Tankety Tank Tank."
-toaster
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
THE THREE DAY PASS
A soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an enemy tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the enemy. I approached the border, and saw an enemy tank. I put my white flag up, and he put his white flag up. I said to the him, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
A soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!"
So the soldier comes back a day later in an enemy tank!
The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the enemy. I approached the border, and saw an enemy tank. I put my white flag up, and he put his white flag up. I said to the him, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
-toaster
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
Yeah, they're all old ones. Guess they mark my age, huh?
Even the joke that Gerbil originally told is an old one, readapted. I first heard it in the 70's, as a young marine, and it was about a company of soldiers (US Army) getting beat up by a single marine.
I don't know if there really are any new military jokes.
Even the joke that Gerbil originally told is an old one, readapted. I first heard it in the 70's, as a young marine, and it was about a company of soldiers (US Army) getting beat up by a single marine.
I don't know if there really are any new military jokes.
-toaster
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
Ok, a NEW military joke:
Defense Computer
A large defense contractor finally succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders assembled in front of the new machine and were instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They described a hypothetical situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question, "Attack or retreat?"
The computer hummed away for an hour and then came up with the answer, "Yes."
The generals looked at each other, stupefied.
Finally one of them submitted a second request to the computer, "Yes what?"
Instantly the computer responded, "Yes, Sir!."
Defense Computer
A large defense contractor finally succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders assembled in front of the new machine and were instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They described a hypothetical situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question, "Attack or retreat?"
The computer hummed away for an hour and then came up with the answer, "Yes."
The generals looked at each other, stupefied.
Finally one of them submitted a second request to the computer, "Yes what?"
Instantly the computer responded, "Yes, Sir!."
-toaster
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
"So there I was, all alone, facing all of the enemy. I started driving in circles, until I had them surrounded, and then I escaped in the confusion."
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Gerbil
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Chuckle--those were funny
You heard about the elderly grandmother who was arrested on an international flight for terrorism? She was caught trying to knit an Afghan.
Upon further interogation, she unrepentantly declared, "I would have knitted a tank too but lucky for you I had the wrong color tread!"
WooHoo!
Upon further interogation, she unrepentantly declared, "I would have knitted a tank too but lucky for you I had the wrong color tread!"
WooHoo!
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Guest
ok heres a joke (i think)
A tanks rolling along and is thinking about what to do... erlier his comanding officer said "do somthing brave and you'll get a badge" so the little tank did somthing brave... he tryed out his mom's cooking and you know what? th CO made him the new commanding officer...
Thank you
thank you
A tanks rolling along and is thinking about what to do... erlier his comanding officer said "do somthing brave and you'll get a badge" so the little tank did somthing brave... he tryed out his mom's cooking and you know what? th CO made him the new commanding officer...
Thank you
thank you Oh yeah, I found this on the net prett. Funny stuff. Not directly related to tanks, but close enough to post. I think it speaks well for the rest of gaming, too. Enjoy
Murphy's Laws of Combat
* If the enemy is in range, so are you
Incoming fire has the right of way
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
There is always a way
That way is always mined
Try to look uminportant; they might be low on ammo
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at
If orders can be misunderstood they will be
The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire
Odd objects attract fire. You are odd
Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud
Mine fields are not neutral
If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict
The weight of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack
If your attack is going well, it's an ambush
Never draw fire, it irritates those around you
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
Friendly fire isn't
Never stand when you can sit
Never sit when you can lie down
Never stay awake when you can sleep
A grenade with a 7 second fuse will always burn in 4 seconds
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can never hit anything
The more a weapon costs, the further you will have to send it to be repaired
Interchangeable parts are not
The item you need is always in short supply
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of it's operator
No combat ready group ever passes inspection
No inspection ready group ever survives combat
Peace is our profession, mass murder is just a hobby
All battles are fought at the junction of two or more maps
Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together
If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
Tracers work both ways
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it
Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms
Murphy's Laws of Combat
* If the enemy is in range, so are you
Incoming fire has the right of way
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
There is always a way
That way is always mined
Try to look uminportant; they might be low on ammo
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
Teamwork is essential; it gives them someone else to shoot at
If orders can be misunderstood they will be
The tank is a monument to the inaccuracy of indirect fire
Odd objects attract fire. You are odd
Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud
Mine fields are not neutral
If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict
The weight of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack
If your attack is going well, it's an ambush
Never draw fire, it irritates those around you
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder
Friendly fire isn't
Never stand when you can sit
Never sit when you can lie down
Never stay awake when you can sleep
A grenade with a 7 second fuse will always burn in 4 seconds
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can never hit anything
The more a weapon costs, the further you will have to send it to be repaired
Interchangeable parts are not
The item you need is always in short supply
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of it's operator
No combat ready group ever passes inspection
No inspection ready group ever survives combat
Peace is our profession, mass murder is just a hobby
All battles are fought at the junction of two or more maps
Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together
If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
Tracers work both ways
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it
Military intelligence is a contradiction of terms
"Post mortem est infinitum vitum."